Self-compassion is about relating to ourselves and treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding when we are suffering (when something goes wrong in our lives, when we fail, make mistakes, feel bad about ourselves or notice something we don't like about ourselves) as we would treat a loved one who is suffering. We usually find it much easier to be compassionate to others. If our dearest friend was struggling with what we are struggling with, what would we say to them? (something kinder and more supportive I suspect!). So many of us habitually punish or criticise ourselves, even when we're already down.

Self-compassion is about befriending ourselves. It's about taking kind and supportive action for ourselves when we are suffering. It is learning to hold challenging feelings about ourselves and our experience in our own embrace.

The benefits of cultivating self-compassion are highly researched. The Mindful Self-Compassion training programme is both evidence-based and backed by science as well as being empirically supported.

There are many ways of describing what mindfulness is, but put most simply it is attending to our present moment experience without judgement. Noticing things just as they are, without pushing them away.

It is the intentional use of our attention.

When we are mindful we are observing our experience without resistance. This gives us space to kindly respond to our experience rather than react to it in habitual ways.

Mindfulness can be very helpful when we feel tangled with our problems and challenges, because it gives us a sense of space between ourselves and our experience.

To cultivate self-compassion we need to develop our mindful awareness too, because if we don't notice our suffering, we won't do anything to alleviate it!

So mindfulness really is the foundation of cultivating self-compassion. There's a 'tuning in' to ourselves that is crucial. It's an opening of our own heart, and turning towards what's there and acknowledging it with kindness and understanding, both to soothe and comfort AND to take best action to move forwards.

There are a lot of myths and misconceptions around self-compassion. We can be so scathing about being kind to ourselves! Many of us feel that offering ourselves our support and understanding when we have done something wrong equates to indulging ourselves, wallowing in our misfortune or even copping out altogether. Not so. Self-compassion isn't the same as being self-indulgent or self-absorbed meaning we have no room for anyone else. In fact, self-compassion invites us to remember that we are not alone and fosters a wider perspective in terms of our shared human experience. Self-compassion is actually proven to increase our compassion for others.

Self-compassion isn’t about giving up, it isn’t a cop out and it isn’t about getting gratification from doing stuff that we know isn’t good for us. Self-compassion is about moving ourselves to a better feeling place, whether through soothing and comfort, taking best wise and supportive action, or a mixture of both. 

Lastly, there is a misconception that self-compassion is somehow weak. However, standing firm when we need to is self-compassionate. Practicing self-compassion helps us to access the ability within ourselves to set healthy boundaries and validate our own needs when we need to. Self-compassion practice is empowering. It builds strength and enhances our resilience to the inevitable challenges and difficulties in life. And there’s absolutely nothing weak about that.